The Not So Perfect Year

Hey dear traveler, welcome, welcome on another part of the path you've chosen to observe as I walk it.

I write this in stark contrast to so many sharing their ups, their achievements, how brilliant it all went. You know the posts. The highlights. The wins. The carefully curated success.

This isn't that.

For me, 2025 was a bumpy ride. Ups and downs, ups and downs. My life has been all over the place.

Many of you who talked with me this year saw one of two people: someone determined to build something amazing, or a man completely lost. Sometimes both in the same conversation.

I took a few leaps of faith this year. Not many landed.

First, coaching. I went all in. I had good feedback from the previous year, a decent number of coachees, and it seemed like the right move. So I jumped.

And I ran into a wall.

Not of stones. Not of lack of skill. A wall of my own making. Can you guess what it was?

Fear.

I watch my peers go to great lengths to put their name into the world, going with their skin to the market. Even when it scares them, they do it anyway. I find that I can't. I have such a deep fear of failing - of being seen as a failure in others' eyes - that I don't even try to go the extra length.

Funny thing is, if you looked at me from outside, you wouldn't say that. I've completed half-ironmans. I did an everesting - 8,849 meters of climbing on a bike in a single day. Not bad, you might say. He can achieve what he wants.

And there lies the problem.

I don't know what I want.

Not "I'm figuring it out." Not "I'm on a journey of discovery." I genuinely don't know.

After years of trying for children, deciding that maybe I can live without them. After my marriage taking hits I still don't fully understand. My mind and body have been in chaos the whole year.

From the outside, you'd never guess. I crossed finish lines, showed up with energy, did an amazing training camp in Andalusia, helped deliver the International Coaching Week, tried being an Agile Coach, found people whose company I truly enjoy.

But inside? Fog.

And then came the opportunity that shaped the rest of the year.

Building Aimee. A product with a vision of helping people bridge the growing gap caused by artificial intelligence taking ever more presence in our lives.

At the same time, I was being torn to pieces. Battling inner fears. Love life in shambles. Heart unable to move on, unable to understand the change that happened. Not wanting to understand. Not wanting to accept and deep dive still hoping for the love of my life to get back to me.

With all that chaos, it was so easy to take a plunge into the vast sea of work that comes with building something new with an ambitious team.

I poured my heart and time into it. Slowly cutting away everything else. Training. Good habits around sleep and living. Vacation time. And yes, also a new relationship I had tried to start - ending up hurting both myself and the amazing person I was seeing.

You often hear people say what working too much can cause. You might expect me to tell you it was stupid, that I should never have done it.

But I won't say that.

Sometimes we need a lifeboat. Aimee was mine.

Yes, many things could have been handled better. Taking it slower. Protecting my way of life. Working smarter, not just more. Hell, it's easy to write those words. It's easy to recommend that to others.

Living it is different.

Looking back at what we built - an AI tutor and coach, a team of people I'd call friends rather than just colleagues, a product that might just become something real - one could say we've done an amazing job in just a few months. We kickstarted something that might be quite a success in the year to come.

Was the cost worth it? I'm still figuring that out.

And yet, I wouldn't be me if I didn't end on a note of gratitude.

To those who work with me, support me, talk with me. Who bike and swim with me, laugh with me, love me. And also to those who don't enjoy my company, who maybe don't like me at all - even to you I send words of thanks. For being able to live and breathe next to you in what might just be one of the most exciting eras in human history.

Yes, there's still bad shit happening in the world. And yet, I can't help but be pumped about what's coming.

The research discoveries around artificial intelligence and how the ethics and sustainability will play out. The traveling I'm planning now that I don't have to care so much about where I work from. The people I'll meet with who will change my life. The small things I can do to make someone's day a bit better.

Friend, traveler, I wish you this for the years ahead:

Excitement. Curiosity. Kindness. And the will to live here and now, the best way you can.

Even when you don't have it all figured out.

Especially then.